"The empires of the future are empires of the mind." Winston Churchill

I love this quote and the importance it grants the mind. I used to be enslaved to my mind like it had a power over me, a hold that I could not break. But I did have a choice, I do, I always will. I love the freedom that the mind can bring. These days I choose what to think, where to engage my mind, where to disengage. I now make conscious decisions as opposed to letting decisions be made unconsciously.  But this is not another pointless outpouring of meaningless patter. This is a blog to enshrine the decisions I've made recently, the decisions I commit to making, the changes I'll effect in my life, but most importantly the reasons for them. So here goes, brutal and unshakable honesty about what now grounds me, what's important to me and my hopes and dreams for the future. A manifesto of sorts, if you will.

1. I want to be debt free in 2 years so I have made a decision recently to start tithing. That's right 10% of my income before tax to go straight back to where it belongs, it's rightful owner. Why? Because the Bible says we should, God says we should (Leviticus 27:30). And if I want God's favour in my life, or even to not become obsessed with money and things and become a debt-riddled mess then I should. I have to, I need to.
2. I need to get fit. They if you look good you feel good and I don't feel like I look good then I can't feel good? Well maybe not necessarily but I do feel there is something of an affinity between healthiness and keeping fit and mental well being. I need the endorphines if nothing else.
3. My career- it deserves some thought. Definitely needs some direction. So some prayer needs to be devoted to this and through disciplined prayerfulness I will seek direction and hopefully gain some- at least I can be sure that God has a plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11)

So far this is as far as I've got although there are many things that will no doubt spring up along the way. I have learnt that every time you make a big but important decision it opens some doors and closes others. And with each door you step through there are more doors, more decisions. I'm not perfect and this will take a prayerful willingness to step in the direction of humility and I'm sure lots of personal correction and wisdom will be gleaned along the way. But until that day I will battle pride and strive for humility and hopefully get fit, in the black, and put all my ambition to some good use. :)

Desire of my heart?

The weight of the decision is heavy.

Just thinking about it feels clandestine, like a betrayal of the worst kind

I feel like a thief in the night stealing a heart ,

Or robbing a happiness and hope so pure.

A grim reality, a blemish on the horizon of romance

No blotting paper for the heart that leaks

It performs less and less efficiently as a whole or even part of a whole

I’m just not sure whether I can do this anymore

Or whether I can make the choice not to

Which is harder? Which is right?

Is there even a choice to be made?

Or is the mere thought, of a choice a decision bound?

 The awkward honesty of the blissful ignorance of a looming and mounting uncertainty

I’m not sure.

I’m not sure

The feathers surrounding the sacred egg that symbolises the unity

The covenant we have entered into

To opt out now would break the mould undoubtedly

And crack and irreparably break what there is

Smearing the feathers perfect and white in mud and marring them forever

Such is the decision that weighs heavily on my heart

I’m not sure.

I’m not sure