Riding the Wave and Creating Momentum in Your Life

I am prone to being one of the laziest and most demotivated people I know. But I am also one of the most ambitious. It’s hard to reconcile the two especially when disappointment, rejection, low self-esteem or lack of opportunity is thrown into the mix. But I believe that you can not only thrive on momentum but create it too. Here are a couple of pointers that have helped me out along the way. They are mostly from my pastors or wise friends and they are the best bits of advice- those you come back to time and time again.

Decide on your dreams

Be specific. Make a plan, list them. Do what it takes to give them some shape. For ages I knew I wanted to change the world, do some good but for whom and what that would look like? That’s still in formation.

Ensure your motive is right

Search your heart and make sure the motive is pure. Don’t do things out of selfish ambition, greed, lust, or anger. In my experience (and I’m willing to bet, yours) it’s never a good idea, it never ends well and mostly it ends up hurting people including yourself. I’ve made the mistake of acting with all of those motives but since realigning my faith more seriously with what the Bible teaches I have rediscovered the power and importance of acting out of love, grace, forgiveness, mercy, kindness, patience. It’s now my aim to forgive faster than I anger, love faster than I hate etc. It may not be fastest route to worldly ‘success’ but it will guarantee a deeper satisfaction, which brings me nicely onto my next point.

Decide on your marker for success

For many people it will be money, possessions, a nice house, a flash car or a handsome husband. For me it’s advancing God’s kingdom. It’s loving people whoever they are and being Jesus to people who don’t yet know him. It’s being sold out to the calling God placed upon my life and living that out. Walking the path I was born to tread. I haven’t fully worked that out yet but I know the passions and talents I have are not there by accident.

Persevere

Contend for your dream; be willing to fight for it. Don’t give up at the first hurdle. Don’t allow people to tell you you’re too young, inexperienced or under qualified. It is God that qualifies you- you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13) When things get tough and the money dries up or the odds are against you get up and fight some more. Pray about it, believe in it.

Finally I think it’s important to note that nothing is achieved without practical application. All this talk of contending and fighting is codswallop without a bit of pragmatism. Ideally you need 3 parts vision, 4 parts faith, 2 parts hope and 2 parts practical application. Put SMART goals in place. A SMART goal is a brilliant acronym for how to achieve said goal. Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, andTimely. These five elements should help you whittle down you big dream into bite size digestible and less daunting chunks. Give it a go. Create a wave in your life and see who surfs it with you. You never know who’ll be the next agenda setter, generation shaper or world shaker!

Love my body

Love your body. Words that make most women shudder or at least roll their eyes. Why is loving our body such a difficult concept for us women (and often men too) to grasp? This self-loathing that seems to sadly be part and parcel of growing up as a woman manifests itself in many a weird and wonderful way. There is overeating leading to obesity, starving yourself skinny, bingeing and then purging, over exercising to compensate and many other self-destructive behaviours that women adopt to deal with the fact they simply feel unable to love or accept their bodies. So in the midst of the craziness here what can we take stock of, what’s real, what’s true and what’s perhaps worth considering however hard it may be?

Firstly I think it’s important that I explain that I am incredibly fortunate not to have ever suffered with an eating disorder but some of my very close friends have. I have spent most of my life (as far back as I can remember) hating my body with varying degrees of passion but I do not profess to understand fully eating disorders. I do not judge those who still walk through this struggle daily and I don’t consider my insecurity to qualify me to speak on your behalf but I do have some points you may wish to consider anyway.

Secondly weight is just a number. Beauty is not a mathematical formula that equates inches on a waist to a sliding scale of beautiful. Your weight does not allow for the joy your smile brings to someone, it does not allow for your passions, it does not consider how smart you are or how kind. And it sure as hell doesn’t excuse you being mean, cruel, or a bully. This works both ways.

Beauty, it is often said, is in the eye of the beholder. How you perceive beauty differs from person to person. And thank God it does. Life would be so dull if everyone loved and wanted exactly the same thing in friends, colleagues and spouses. But this is not just a cop-out proverb your parents told you when other kids were mean to you it’s a real thing worth considering. Isn’t it worth striving not to be what someone wants to instead allowing yourself to be yourself where you are already wanted just as you are?

And here’s where I get a bit Christian on you. God is the ultimate beholder. He sees beauty with far more clarity than we do. He, in all his infinite wisdom, strength and holiness made you exactly as you are for a specific reason. He truly believes in the life he gave you. He does not make mistakes. He believes we are beautiful and capable of captivating wonder. So while the media will push on with forcing its agenda on you long after you’ve stopped caring why not pin your hopes on one that won’t fail you. One that will unconditionally and relentlessly love you with such a ferocity you can’t possibly fathom? Just something worth considering perhaps.

https://vimeo.com/40714665

Sucking it up and practising what you preach

Taking your advice is hard. Trying to learn from someone else's mistakes is not easy. But taking your own advice seems harder somehow. Revisiting advice that you have given others or facing the fact that you may have to listen to the stuff you self-righteously and perhaps even smugly told someone is now applicable to you. I mean now I am faced with that situation it seems a bitter pill to swallow, humbling- it involves swallowing a lot of pride. But sometimes sucking it up is all you can do. Sometimes it's all you need to do. Looking at the advice you give others it is mostly, well meaning, in their best interests (at least, according to you) and has perspective they cannot see. Perhaps this is just what I need.

Enough

Your grace is enough. It needs no additional deeds or works on my part. Nothing I can do, or will ever be able to do adds to your grace or detracts from it. I cannot sin myself outside it or make myself worthy. This should be a huge sigh of relief to a perfectionists like me who spends so much of my time subconsciously trying to work out the magic formula to getting it all right. There is no ‘getting it right’. The good I do is a reaction to your grace. Those I admire most, the most gracious, those who seem capable of less sin than others are good because of how much of you they allow into their lives. You inspire the difference, we don’t suddenly ‘get it’. Self-acted changes, self-feeding attitudes are key to allowing more of you to spill over into our everyday lives but it’s your presence that prompts this. Your holy spirit that guides us, your love for us orders our paths, you number our days and made the plans. They are already known to you. Every revelation we get is perfect in its timing and perfect in its delivery. I trust that what comes next will have an opportunity to glorify you, every obstacle is key to achieving what you want for our lives. Every small sacrifice to you, every turning back to you, every single prayer for change, breakthrough is heard and is a victory. The victories in the darkest days are victories not because everything gets miraculously better but victory because it’s then that we are walking in faith, then that we seek your face, not restoration in the bottom of a bottle.

Psalm 37:23

Amplified Bible (AMP)

²³ The steps of a [good] man are directed and established by the Lord when He delights in his way [and He busies Himself with his every step].

Ephesians 2:8-9

For it is by free grace (God’s unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment andmade partakers of Christ’s salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of yourselves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God; Not because of works [not the fulfillment of the Law’s demands], lest any man should boast. [It is not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory to himself.]

Lord, thank you that your grace is enough. Thank you that it is free. Thank you it is unlimited, unmerited, unearned and not dependent on my works. Help me to be someone who walks safe in the knowledge of just how powerful that grace is. Enable me to feel that more tangibly daily. To know and live like grace is not just theoretical. Manipulate my heart to live righteously. Harden my resolve to beat temptation. Show me the paths I should take. Narrow them and direct my eyes to them and them alone. Make my life not easy but fulfilling. Increase in me the desire to walk them, to be the me you made not the me I create and try to reinvent. Remind me daily that I am nothing without you, that I need you and have you. Thank you that you are always there, thank you that you never falter or fall. Jesus I’m humbled by your perfection, I yearn for a glimpse of your glory, a touch of the hem of your cloak. Let my heart beat for the causes you call me to challenge. Let my tears flow for the justice you made me to stand up for. Perpetuate my thoughts with who and how I should take your message forward. Align my preferences with building your kingdom. Help me to practically see the hole in the wall where my brick goes. Increase in me the fruit of the spirit and replace absolution with sacrifice and surrender. Today I surrender afresh my desires, the most personal of dreams, the ultimates in my life I hold on to I give to you. Replace my thoughts of undeservedness with joy for the gift you have lavished upon us.

Jesus, holiest of holies. The lamb of God. My portion, my strength, you are enough and I give all I have and know I have given everything. I am comforted that I am safe in you. I need not worry, fear or be afraid. I renew myself in this. Again and again for as long as it takes.

Amen.

Introvert in a bubble.

Where I've been at recently:

I miss God, I miss the safety and certainty that comes from knowing that you have given freely and abundantly, completely, wholly your life over to God- that you must rely on him, trust him for everything bar nothing. I miss that being my lifesong, my heartbeat. I miss the covering that comes with a revelation of what salvation in Christ means. I hate that it’s my compromise and impertinent, strident nature that has placed myself willingly in situations leading to sin and even sought them out. I hate that another’s happiness has got caught in the crossfire. I’ve caused and multiplied sin and not just for myself.

I’ve learnt that it is my nature to become self-destructive and inward focused when waves crash and I’ve learnt the patterns it takes- compromise, pride, self-destruction, disengagement and a neglecting of faith. I am introverted by nature which unhelpfully hinders sacrificially seeking God and does not exactly facilitate communication with my saviour, my maker, my king. I’ve learnt that when I gamble with my heart I often lose- perhaps because it’s not mine to give away instead I should wait until it is found claimed not by the highest bidder but by the one set aside by God. That actually the one who has my heart who knows my comings and goings and ordains and numbers my days and has done since before my birth, conception or any human contemplation he made it, he shaped it, he knows what delights it and what shakes it. He knows how easily it weathers and how breakable it is. And it is he that reforms it when it gets ripped or frayed. Only he can sand off the rough edges form it once again into something pure and beautiful. But he also exposes it to the elements, he lets it fare the storm once in a while.

But crucially it is he who covers it. In grace a medicine so sweet and potently powerful it combines with the blood of the saviour to form the very elixir of life. Its taste floods the recipient with light, its unmatched and unparallelled magnificence can raise the dead to life and restore beyond comprehension. It can reach into the past and see far into the future. It requires only the simplest recognition of its power. And mercy- unending and uncompromising mercy strong and mighty not meek and mild. His mercy is not to be underestimated or abused. Its purchase power ransoms and releases. It ends captive droughts and opens the floodgates to a freedom so true and vivid you want to drown.

So when as an introvert you finally wake up and see fit to burst your own bubble you realise how fragile it was, how tentative and vulnerable a custom built world servicing self and self only is. You realise also that just as the sun though distant is also close- its light powerful enough to cover the whole earth, to heat and provide light- the key to life his love covers. It is over and above, 360 degrees in all directions for further than light can reach, stronger and more impenetrable than that which built your bubble or that which burst it. It was always there and it clarifies not muddies the waters. It is the not the key to happiness but it brings so much joy. It is not a pretty metaphor it is the way, the truth, the life. It is not abstract or semantic, it is actual, practically tangible.

Here's another article I recently wrote for Milk&Honey:

Finding your way in the world can be tricky enough without the absence of a parent thrown into the mix. The loss or absence of a parent is undoubtedly one of the most destabilising things to a child. The loss and its impact can reach far beyond childhood and in some cases can affect our relationships well into adulthood and for the rest of our lives. But I believe there is an answer. A way of reconciling that which was lost and what you should always have felt and received from a father- protection, security, love. Traditional though I am not a father is irreplaceable. There is no one that could replace him.

So what are the potential pitfalls that can be had from a missing dad and how can these affect future relationships? Well whether female or male as a child we primarily derive our ideas of masculinity from our dads and from a young age they help form and sculpt our ideas of what role men should and can play in our lives. So the loss of that influence leaves these ideas to be informed by other people, other men who have their own interests at heart –interests that can run contrary to ours. Worse than that, a loss or lack of father figure can encourage an unhealthy dependency on men or an inability to trust them and the unforgiveness that comes with it.

But like I said I believe there is an answer. Jesus. He is ‘the way, the truth and the life’ (John 14:6) and it is through Jesus that we find both truth and forgiveness and reconciliation to the father. Our Father, the one who knit us together in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13) and has plans to prosper us, not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11). He is the Father, the one who made the whole universe, put the stars in the sky and knew you, thought of you, and loved you long before the planet was even in existence. The love he feels for you is incomprehensible and incomparable. But the only way to God the Father is through his son Jesus (John 14:6). Through an acceptance that Jesus died for your sins and that he is God and repentance for living your life without him as the priority you will gain a relationship with him.

This paves the way for God the father to work on softening and healing your heart. He can begin to repair the damage that has been done and gently chip away at those deep seated issues and attitudes that have isolated you. He can be what no human father absent or present can be- infallible. He can and will be there all the time. He has no preconceived notions about you or unrealistic expectations, he will not let you down and will not allow you to endure things beyond which you can handle. In fact he’s always been there loving you and waiting for you to return to him.

There is an element in which we are all prodigals and so this is a message for everyone. You need not only have lost a father before you can find one. I was one of the lucky ones – I didn’t grow up in a broken home, I still have both my parents and love my dad very very much. But the realisation that he is fallible still broke me. Realising that there were things my dad couldn’t do came as a stark reminder of the glory of God, the need for him, the desperation with which we must cling to him and the peace that comes with knowing that whatever it is that worries you or keeps you up at night He’s got it. Nothing is too big for him.

All of this is not only available but waiting for you. You have to take the initial decision to meet Jesus and begin a relationship with Him but from there your only choice is strive for more of Him in your life. You can turn fully from a perspective of lack in your life and live in an abundance of love.

Faith is not a hypothetical.

So I’ve recently been learning a lot about faith. Thousands of Christians worldwide are mid-way through Lent- a time of seeking God, sacrifice, and prayerful submission. And for my church this month of March is especially a time of believing for miracles- sacrificing a meal a day and replacing it with prayer to increase faith and see revelation and transformation in our lives. And I must admit it’s been harder than I expected. No, not the going without food, the other bit. The faith bit. The month of fasting has coincided with teaching on faith and I had a few misconceptions or attitudes that have rightly been changed.

Christians I believe, have a tendency to think they have got the whole faith thing down. That once the whole initial barrier to belief is pushed through and faith in God becomes realised that that’s it. But that’s far from all faith is. I seem to have been operating in a sort of ‘No faith please we’re Christians’ type bubble. How much my lifestyle requires faith and how I interweave faith with my everyday life is one of those inconvenient nitty gritty type subjects I just never got round to unpacking. There was just too much else to be concerning myself with right?

I know what you’re thinking how could I have got this far right? Well I do have faith. Faith for the big things- healing for my sister, and father etc. but it’s the everyday faith that I lack. It strikes me now that I may have missed the point. That waiting for the big things to come along before I realise I need faith and then somehow trying and muster it on the spot may be a slightly backwards way of doing things. I am prompted now by the uncomfortable truth that complete dependency on God may rely on the implementation of faith daily. Those little steps of faith. I have already seen a change in my prayer life since I’ve changed my attitude to faith.

I have realised also the importance of preparation for those big things, those sticky situations where you really need to have faith. I’ve learnt that faith and preparation are not mutually exclusive but entirely interwoven and intrinsically linked. I’ve been encouraged by the steps of faith I took last year that have led to great blessing, exposed me to opportunities to extend my passion and awakened the talent that flowed from it. It was God’s prompting and my bravery in putting myself out that started all of this.

This whole faith things clearly requires a lot more thought than I initially anticipated. Rather excitingly it requires action. It is not something that is flat, dead, and cannot be contained on paper or defined in a blog post. It demands attention and exploration. I cannot study it abstractly. To know anything about faith I must act. It is not hypothetical rather it is organic, dynamic.

I have no doubt that I have a lot more to learn about faith. But learn I will.