Here's another article I recently wrote for Milk&Honey:

Finding your way in the world can be tricky enough without the absence of a parent thrown into the mix. The loss or absence of a parent is undoubtedly one of the most destabilising things to a child. The loss and its impact can reach far beyond childhood and in some cases can affect our relationships well into adulthood and for the rest of our lives. But I believe there is an answer. A way of reconciling that which was lost and what you should always have felt and received from a father- protection, security, love. Traditional though I am not a father is irreplaceable. There is no one that could replace him.

So what are the potential pitfalls that can be had from a missing dad and how can these affect future relationships? Well whether female or male as a child we primarily derive our ideas of masculinity from our dads and from a young age they help form and sculpt our ideas of what role men should and can play in our lives. So the loss of that influence leaves these ideas to be informed by other people, other men who have their own interests at heart –interests that can run contrary to ours. Worse than that, a loss or lack of father figure can encourage an unhealthy dependency on men or an inability to trust them and the unforgiveness that comes with it.

But like I said I believe there is an answer. Jesus. He is ‘the way, the truth and the life’ (John 14:6) and it is through Jesus that we find both truth and forgiveness and reconciliation to the father. Our Father, the one who knit us together in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13) and has plans to prosper us, not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11). He is the Father, the one who made the whole universe, put the stars in the sky and knew you, thought of you, and loved you long before the planet was even in existence. The love he feels for you is incomprehensible and incomparable. But the only way to God the Father is through his son Jesus (John 14:6). Through an acceptance that Jesus died for your sins and that he is God and repentance for living your life without him as the priority you will gain a relationship with him.

This paves the way for God the father to work on softening and healing your heart. He can begin to repair the damage that has been done and gently chip away at those deep seated issues and attitudes that have isolated you. He can be what no human father absent or present can be- infallible. He can and will be there all the time. He has no preconceived notions about you or unrealistic expectations, he will not let you down and will not allow you to endure things beyond which you can handle. In fact he’s always been there loving you and waiting for you to return to him.

There is an element in which we are all prodigals and so this is a message for everyone. You need not only have lost a father before you can find one. I was one of the lucky ones – I didn’t grow up in a broken home, I still have both my parents and love my dad very very much. But the realisation that he is fallible still broke me. Realising that there were things my dad couldn’t do came as a stark reminder of the glory of God, the need for him, the desperation with which we must cling to him and the peace that comes with knowing that whatever it is that worries you or keeps you up at night He’s got it. Nothing is too big for him.

All of this is not only available but waiting for you. You have to take the initial decision to meet Jesus and begin a relationship with Him but from there your only choice is strive for more of Him in your life. You can turn fully from a perspective of lack in your life and live in an abundance of love.

Faith is not a hypothetical.

So I’ve recently been learning a lot about faith. Thousands of Christians worldwide are mid-way through Lent- a time of seeking God, sacrifice, and prayerful submission. And for my church this month of March is especially a time of believing for miracles- sacrificing a meal a day and replacing it with prayer to increase faith and see revelation and transformation in our lives. And I must admit it’s been harder than I expected. No, not the going without food, the other bit. The faith bit. The month of fasting has coincided with teaching on faith and I had a few misconceptions or attitudes that have rightly been changed.

Christians I believe, have a tendency to think they have got the whole faith thing down. That once the whole initial barrier to belief is pushed through and faith in God becomes realised that that’s it. But that’s far from all faith is. I seem to have been operating in a sort of ‘No faith please we’re Christians’ type bubble. How much my lifestyle requires faith and how I interweave faith with my everyday life is one of those inconvenient nitty gritty type subjects I just never got round to unpacking. There was just too much else to be concerning myself with right?

I know what you’re thinking how could I have got this far right? Well I do have faith. Faith for the big things- healing for my sister, and father etc. but it’s the everyday faith that I lack. It strikes me now that I may have missed the point. That waiting for the big things to come along before I realise I need faith and then somehow trying and muster it on the spot may be a slightly backwards way of doing things. I am prompted now by the uncomfortable truth that complete dependency on God may rely on the implementation of faith daily. Those little steps of faith. I have already seen a change in my prayer life since I’ve changed my attitude to faith.

I have realised also the importance of preparation for those big things, those sticky situations where you really need to have faith. I’ve learnt that faith and preparation are not mutually exclusive but entirely interwoven and intrinsically linked. I’ve been encouraged by the steps of faith I took last year that have led to great blessing, exposed me to opportunities to extend my passion and awakened the talent that flowed from it. It was God’s prompting and my bravery in putting myself out that started all of this.

This whole faith things clearly requires a lot more thought than I initially anticipated. Rather excitingly it requires action. It is not something that is flat, dead, and cannot be contained on paper or defined in a blog post. It demands attention and exploration. I cannot study it abstractly. To know anything about faith I must act. It is not hypothetical rather it is organic, dynamic.

I have no doubt that I have a lot more to learn about faith. But learn I will. 

Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

We’ve all been hurt at some point, rejected, laughed at, mocked, sometimes unintentionally. But sadly, sometimes relationships break down and fail and when that happens it can feel like your whole world is caving in, like your heart had been put through a shredder and someone’s literally turned your life upside down. So where do we go from there? How do we recover from that desperation, that feeling of such hopelessness where confusion and pity seem to reign sovereign over any logic or reason. Do we ever fully recover? Or do we just gloss over it all and move on?

I’ve had my heart broken and the anger and bitterness I felt was matched only by the fear, sadness and loneliness. I could not say for definite that I felt everything was ever going to be ok again. For some people having a parent walk out on them or growing up in a broken home will do this. For others the heartache will be prolonged or delayed until a romantic relationship fails to live up to expectation or you lose someone but sooner or later most of us will experience a broken heart to some degree.

Luckily, I can say with some confidence that it can and will be ok but it takes a great deal of hard work, true grit, determination and faith. When the ground was ripped from beneath me and my knees were buckling I didn’t want to try, I felt that I shouldn’t have to work hard to repair something I didn’t break, I did not want even to look after myself but eventually I found living bound by fear and anger was no way to live at all. I learnt that I was faced with a decision: the decision to continue to break down or break free.

I have been brought up in Christian household but can’t say I honestly relied upon or truly felt the power of Jesus until I needed his healing, until I needed him to step in and do what I was unable to and what no one else could. It was Jesus that saved me, that broke the chain of endless self-pity and drama. It was the cross that bore the weight of my burdens when I could not. It is his sacrifice that understood and answered the pain I was feeling and in the midst of my tear stained face it was His face I saw smiling back at me loving me despite. His love is complete and absolute. It is over and above, far beyond comprehensible and can preside over any circumstance and situation. He can be what ex-boyfriends or missing fathers, divorce, or death cannot. He has saved us and can lift us from our immediate surroundings and elevate us to a heavenly status. But we must make a decision to accept him and accept what he wants to do for us. We need to have faith and reach out like the woman in Matthew chapter 20 who says to herself, “If I could just touch the hem of his garment I would be healed”. Her faith was key to her healing and Jesus stops in his tracks and says “Take heart daughter. Your faith has healed you” It took Jesus but a moment to heal her but there’s no telling how long it took her to build up the courage to reach out. How often do we feel like that? Feeling at our most vulnerable it is actually when we are strongest. Step out in faith. I promise you you won’t be disappointed.