Here's another article I recently wrote for Milk&Honey:

Finding your way in the world can be tricky enough without the absence of a parent thrown into the mix. The loss or absence of a parent is undoubtedly one of the most destabilising things to a child. The loss and its impact can reach far beyond childhood and in some cases can affect our relationships well into adulthood and for the rest of our lives. But I believe there is an answer. A way of reconciling that which was lost and what you should always have felt and received from a father- protection, security, love. Traditional though I am not a father is irreplaceable. There is no one that could replace him.

So what are the potential pitfalls that can be had from a missing dad and how can these affect future relationships? Well whether female or male as a child we primarily derive our ideas of masculinity from our dads and from a young age they help form and sculpt our ideas of what role men should and can play in our lives. So the loss of that influence leaves these ideas to be informed by other people, other men who have their own interests at heart –interests that can run contrary to ours. Worse than that, a loss or lack of father figure can encourage an unhealthy dependency on men or an inability to trust them and the unforgiveness that comes with it.

But like I said I believe there is an answer. Jesus. He is ‘the way, the truth and the life’ (John 14:6) and it is through Jesus that we find both truth and forgiveness and reconciliation to the father. Our Father, the one who knit us together in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13) and has plans to prosper us, not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11). He is the Father, the one who made the whole universe, put the stars in the sky and knew you, thought of you, and loved you long before the planet was even in existence. The love he feels for you is incomprehensible and incomparable. But the only way to God the Father is through his son Jesus (John 14:6). Through an acceptance that Jesus died for your sins and that he is God and repentance for living your life without him as the priority you will gain a relationship with him.

This paves the way for God the father to work on softening and healing your heart. He can begin to repair the damage that has been done and gently chip away at those deep seated issues and attitudes that have isolated you. He can be what no human father absent or present can be- infallible. He can and will be there all the time. He has no preconceived notions about you or unrealistic expectations, he will not let you down and will not allow you to endure things beyond which you can handle. In fact he’s always been there loving you and waiting for you to return to him.

There is an element in which we are all prodigals and so this is a message for everyone. You need not only have lost a father before you can find one. I was one of the lucky ones – I didn’t grow up in a broken home, I still have both my parents and love my dad very very much. But the realisation that he is fallible still broke me. Realising that there were things my dad couldn’t do came as a stark reminder of the glory of God, the need for him, the desperation with which we must cling to him and the peace that comes with knowing that whatever it is that worries you or keeps you up at night He’s got it. Nothing is too big for him.

All of this is not only available but waiting for you. You have to take the initial decision to meet Jesus and begin a relationship with Him but from there your only choice is strive for more of Him in your life. You can turn fully from a perspective of lack in your life and live in an abundance of love.